I'm so tired of being lonely, and it doesn't help that all I can think about is that this time 2 years ago I was unknowingly falling in love with my soul mate. All I can think about is him, all I've been able to think about since then is him.
I want to hate him! I should hate him! I want to get over him, but is it even possible to get over the love of your life? I'm not sure the person I fell in love with even exists anymore, if he ever really did! I think part of my inability to let go is that I was so happy, like happy for THE FIRST time in my whole life, I felt loved for the first time, not saying no one loves me, just never felt loved before.
He was the first person guy or girl that I was ever truly comfortable around, the only person I could truly ever be myself with. There I was ecstatically happy, planning out the rest of our lives together, them bam!!!! I'm being dumped in a text message. I said my goodbye and asked him to never contact me again, he didn't listen!
Ignoring and occasionally responding to his texts with exactly how I felt not holding anything back, even having a few decent conversations. We ended up hanging out. Over a year went by after our breakup before I saw him again, then I seen him a second time a month and a half later, spent what I thought was a nice weekend together, then I didn't hear from him again. I know he knows I'm still in love with him and he more or less used me, I SHOULD hate him but I can't! I love him and miss him every second of everyday.
I'm tired of being the girl ruled by how I feel, I wish I could be a heartless bastard like him
At the end of the day I know he's gonna be that wound that I carry with me for the rest of my life, and the idea of perfection that I know I will never find again
No comments:
Post a Comment